In my last post, I wrote about the grieving process that is still fresh in my heart and mind. I wrote that last post just a day before my wife had the surprise opportunity to go see Steven Curtis Chapman at Harvest Christian Fellowship. "Stevie C" has been one of her favorites for years. This particular service was going to be a special service on the subject of grief, something that both Chapman and Pastor Greg Laurie know well. Pastor Greg's son Christopher died just weeks before the 2008 Harvest Crusades and Steve's adopted daughter from China had been tragically killed around the same time. Their shared grief became the occasion for what was a wonderful evening of ministry entitled "An Evening Of Hope." Here is an excerpt from that evening.
The entire service can be viewed in the archives at www.harvest.org.
When Lela returned home (I stayed home with sick children) she was really touched. Of course, she lost her brother Aaron a few years ago and is well acquainted with fraternal grief. She brought home Steven Curtis Chapman's latest CD, a gift from the friend that invited her, (Thank you Ella!) and a musical documentation of the grieving process that he went through after his daughter's death. (You can check out this piece written about it here.) The album is called "Beauty Will Rise" and I wholeheartedly recommend it to those who have dealt with the crushing blows of death. It has ministered to me greatly this last week.
I cannot think of a more refreshingly honest look into the heart of Christian grief than this album. It's tone is reverent and the message of each song, simply powerful. For someone who has gone through it, the articulation of emotions is exact. More than anything, it's a beautiful statement of faith from an honest and authentic Christian musician.
If you are going through grief or know someone who is, this would be an excellent purchase.
These last several months have been a whirlwind of change. We have moved from our home in Ladera Ranch back into the Inland Empire. We have begun a Bible study in Colton. And, we have taken on the responsibility of educating our children through a Home School program. Change has become the norm, and there is more change to come. Throughout it all, I have grieved the loss of my sister, though from outward appearances, it may seem that I have not even lost a tear.
I assure you that I have.
There is a passage in the Bible that declares that Christians do not grieve as those without hope. (I Thessalonians 4:13) That means that Christians DO grieve. It's a process that each of us who have lost someone goes through. It cannot be denied and it will not be ignored. At the beginning, when I knew that Leah was going to die, there were greater emotional expressions. It was more raw. Today, farther from that last day, there are still tinges of sadness and regret. My heart just gets heavy every now and then. There is no warning and there is no pattern. They say that it comes in waves and that is the best way to describe it.
For example, I'm mowing the lawn and a thought comes to mind. I just automatically think, "Leah would like that..." only to immediately snap back into reality that she cannot like that, for she is no longer with us. Another example happened just the other night when our family went over to visit my parents. Leah's door opened and I instinctively thought that she would emerge. When it turned out to be my daughter, my heart just dove down again.
It's a strange set of feelings. None are so overwhelming so as to produce an outward display of emotions. Just simple sorrow.
Thankfully, I have hope. My trust that she is with Jesus continues to be my emotional anchor which keeps me from moving into the uncharted waters of depression. With every push toward emptiness, there is a greater pull toward the Lord, who always comforts His people.
Throughout it all, there have been questions that I have had to confront. Questions like, "Could this have been prevented?" and "How could God allow this to happen?" For the unbelieving world, the death of a loved one is another occasion to blaspheme God, pointing the proverbial accusatory finger in His direction. Ironically, most of the time, the unbelieving world refuses to acknowledge God in any way...until there is pain and all of a sudden, it's all His fault! The questions that come to us are questions that are built in and are an intrinsic part of the process of grieving. These questions provide me and every other believer in Jesus Christ, with the opportunity to thank God for who He is! Here is a little sample of what I mean:
• "Could this have been prevented?" God, who is sovereign, orders all things in the life of the believer in order that He might be glorified and bring lasting good out of even the most dire of circumstances. He chose the day and the hour for purposes that Leah now knows and that we will know when we join Him.
• "How could God allow this to happen?" God, who is loving, has allowed sickness and death to remain in the world, so that we might yearn for a life that we cannot lose. The choice of men to disobey God and sin has made illness and death a reality that God sent His own Son Jesus to pay for, so that we might not perish eternally.
• "Are you mad at God?" God gave us a wonderful gift in Leah and I enjoyed having my sister with us for 25 great years. His gift was to give us a lifetime of love and great memories. I'd rather live with the memories of my sister than to have never had them at all! Additionally, unless I am radically mistaken, real life happens after death for the believer! Leah's ordeal, as heart-wrenching and brutal as it was to observe, and as painful as it was to her physically, is NOTHING compared to what she experiences today! In fact, the Apostle Paul says that almost verbatim in the book of Romans:
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."
Romans 8:18
• "Why didn't God answer me?" God did answer me. His answer was not what I wanted to hear at the time, but He did answer. He answered "No" when I asked for physical healing. The question pre-supposes that unless He answers me the way I want Him to, then I will have not received an answer at all! That is a childish way to respond. I do not move God; He moves me, and while my faith allows me to partner with Him in things that He wills to do, I cannot manipulate Him using my faith to accomplish my will.
I am sure that there are a thousand other questions specific to each person's grief. Some are perhaps more personal than can be shared. This is not an exhaustive piece. It's meant to reflect my personal journey. The truth remains however, that there are answers and God wants to minister His comfort to you in the same way that He has comforted me. He has the answers and if you'll listen to His voice long enough, He'll give them to you, not because He's obliged, but because He wants to heal what has been hurt.
